Have you ever heard emotions to be good or bad?

Sometimes I wonder what this label really means and what message it is sending to us…. for example, if you felt sad, is sad a bad emotion? What about guilty is feeling guilty a bad thing? Emotions serve us in some way; they can help us communicate with ourselves, help us communicate with others and help us survive. Makes me wonder if there is a better way to describe the emotional expenses that removes some of the labels and/or judgments we make about the emotion.

Some have referred the the array of emotions as ‘light’ or ‘dark’. This seems like it can be more inclusive to describe the emotion. Dark emotions are those emotions that have a link to being ‘bad’. They are very challenging emotions to deal with. Feeling these darker emotions is normal and by allowing yourself to feel them, you can understand them better and rise above, move past the experience of the dark emotions and also enjoy the ability to manage emotions in healthier, more effective ways. There is a type of energy that comes from having these very intense, almost painful types of emotions, it does send an energy that you might feel more alive, more aware of you being in reality. That rush can be very appealing to a lot of people because at times they might be disconnected from their world. I may give the example of someone who loves suspense movies, the person who is a bit of a daredevil. or even reality TV.

Reality can feel unreal at times and intense emotions can make us mindful that we are here. However, there are parts of feeling intense emotions that make us doubt our ability to handle ourselves. You may feel you’re not able to move past it, that if you were able to really allow yourself to feel that emotion you would not survive. There’s a lot of fear that can come with the emotion that you feel. As if you’re not strong enough. If we do not face these dark emotions and allow ourselves to expience them, we put the emotion on a pedestal. Cutting off the intensity of the emotion. Though just because we do not want to feel it, does not mean it won’t exist. When you do cut that emotion off, you may not know when it passes. You may even go to some extremely unhelpful ways to derail the emotion.

Has there ever been a time when you had an intense emotion, maybe a time that you cried uncontrollably? I sometimes ask this in therapy, and often times I get a quizzical look in return or a little head tilt that says “well yeah, obviously!” Then I ask “how come you’re still not crying?” which cues another odd look… This helps give just a little more insight into how intense emotions can be, and yet even the most intense emotions pass, particularly when you allow yourself the process of feeling them.

Reflecting on intense emotions, we may be able to recall the unhelpful thoughts provoked by the emotion. Sometimes we may think ” this is going to last forever”, “I will never be happy again”, “I can’t handle this”, etc. and yet when people do move forward and the wave of the emotion has passed, they can see that that intensity was relieved. They may even process the purpose of that darker emotion.

Dark emotions can be difficult, but so can the idea of light emotions. Light emotions can be tricky because they feel good. Like the idea of being happy doesn’t sound so bad, right? Though sometimes people may find themselves in this position of “happy” and feel odd, out of place, or that it won’t last. It could be difficult for some who have set the norm of having ‘darker emotions’ or those who find dramatic situations common place, to accept ‘happy’. Feeling happiness and feeling these other light emotions are quite uncomfortable for some, and that can lead to wanting to revert to more familiar ways of being.

Feeling emotions is imperative, and a balance of being comfortable with dark emotions and light emotions can be difficult to find. We have to learn how to be comfortable with all emotions, instead of setting them on a pedestal.